Week 20: PPN Drama

Since the beginning of the course, I have been very sure about my PPNs, Liberty and Legacy, or so I thought.

A few weeks ago, I began noticing some discomfort around the Legacy PPN, but dismissed it as the old blueprint trying to sabotage the journey to my new reality.

I reached out to my guide and while waiting for her response,  decided to do a sit around it. Well, what a discovery.

During the sit, I recalled Haanel “our difficulties are largely due to confused ideas and ignorance about our true interests” and Shakespeare’s “This above all, to thine own self be true …”

I realized that while the outcomes I wanted to manifest as a legacy had not changed, the need that I really needed to fill was recognition for creative expression. I saw  all the negative meanings I had attached to this need that were preventing me from being true to myself.

I released the negativity and embraced the truth that recognition can come in many ways that will allow me to leave a legacy, without cheating the “gal in the glass”

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Week 19: Manifesting the Law of Growth

For several years now, I have been affirming that everything always work out in my best interest. Sometimes, that good has come packaged in very unattractive packaging and the first response is usually to reject the gift. These past few months have offered such packages to me, but I was forced to accept them.

Seven months after my water heater broke and messed up my house, I am still working through the restoration process. Insurance settlements, Hurricane Irma, a sick contractor, all played into the drama of delaying the completion.

Commodes were backing up off and on over a month and the plumbers could not find the problem. The new floors  were flooded as they were being worked on, and my arms hurt from mopping up so much water. I will spare you the details of what was showing up in the shower stall.

Thankfully, I have been a Nurse for several years and a member of a rapid response team that helps out with community cleanups, so I am use to handling messy situations. However, having this stuff show up in my shower was almost enough to push me over the edge.

Then came the emotional pain of family traumas and personal disappointments with people very close to me.

Add to that the challenge of working through the MKMMA  and Go90Grow programs while not having a quiet or clear space to work and sleeping in some very strange positions and place within the home.

Emotional, mental and physical fatigue makes it difficult at times to stay focused and as energetic as I would like to be at times.

It would have been very easy for me to quit and wait until the next time, but what if something else happened then? No, Quitting was not an option. Yes, I had to slow down at times, but I knew that if I kept moving, even slowly, I would finish the course.

And so I have continued.

Throughout all of this, I have been observing my thoughts. feelings and actions very closely. I am amazed at how detached I was from all of this. Yes, it was happening around me, but I did feel that it was happening to me.

My constant question was and still is “where is the good in this, what lessons do I need to learn?”

The answer… drum roll please…….. I am able to see how much I have grown, and to me, that’s priceless.

Others around me often remark about my patience and understanding of those who contributed to delaying the process. I accept the compliments with a “thank you” and keep smiling.

I can see light at the end of the tunnel as the project nears completion.

 

 

Week 18: We mistreat what we misdiagnose

OOPS… Thought I had posted this.

Every year, hundreds, if not thousands of malpractice lawsuits are filed against doctors who mistreat a patient because of a misdiagnosis, and we are horrified by these stories, but what about our own mistreatment.

We came into to this earth to fulfill a specific mission, but after years of being prodded, probed, squeezed, misinformed, deceived and mishandled, we no longer know who we are, so we adopt a new persona and try to live from the perspective.

In the meantime, who we really are is crying from the inside to be heard. We try to dull the sound of the cry with all kinds of stuff, that is, we misdiagnose it and the therefore mistreat it.

We then become the jury and judge in our own malpractice law suit and the sentence is a life of mediocrity, listlessness, and disappointment.

Like doctors, we are forever practicing, but let’s be sure that we are practicing perfectly to bring about perfect results.

Week 17: Hero’s Journey

Before we were born, there was a plan, a design for our life.

Then we came into the world and nothing seemed to be right. That space of comfort and tranquility which we once occupied is gone.

The noise, the clamor, the tension of our lives pulled us in more directions than we felt we could cope with, yet… there was always that yearning, that longing for more, to be more, to give more than we have been able to give up to this point.

This Divine irritation  keeps pulling at us, but we are afraid to answer the Call. Our current live feels as if we are  half alive, half awake, half dead, like zombies but the fear of change is keeping  us stuck in this quagmire of hopelessness. And then…

It happens. Sickness, financial distress, failed relationships, loss of a job or a myriad of other things are added to our dilemma. We perceive them as detriments, obstacles, hardships and begin to blame others and ourselves.

Into our pool of self-pity comes a flash of light, a knowing that this is an opportunity for change. Fear and  excitement seem to be existing at the same time, then the questions and excuses add to our confusion and just as we are out to go back into our pool, someone comes along and offer a possibility. We are curious and want to learn more and we enter the Hero’s Journey.

Happy trails my friends.

Week 15: Reflecting on 2017

At the beginning of this year, I made this declaration about my life:

“2017, the happiest most prosperous year of my life so far. The foundation on which to build for continuous happiness and prosperity for the rest of my life. I decree this and it is so.

Verna Bugg”

Well, it was an awesome year. There were ups and downs, disappointments, insights and awe inspiring moments.

I enjoyed a “Thelma and Louise” trip with a younger cousin with whom I bonded at our aunt’s birthday party. On a whim, we drove from Simi Valley to Vegas to Los Angeles, out ran brush fires,  saw mirages and lost passports, and although I am 20+ years her senior, she things I am the coolest, most adventurous of the cousins —- I’ll that that.

I joined MKMMA and Go90Grow stretching myself in ways I did not imagine.

I was invited  as a companion on a 7 day  all expenses paid cruise  on the Italian ship MSC Divina, upgraded to a balcony view for free,  met many wonderful people who had traveled throughout Italy, and attended the free basic Italian lessons on board the ship.

I discovered that I have had a long standing affair with “things Italian .” The Italian flair, the ocean view and talks about Italy provided fuel for two of the smart goals on my DMP, which are an ocean view home and a leisurely trip throughout Italy, and I got to “experience” them for 7 days. What a way to prime subby.

(The photo above is where I spent many evenings on the ship listening to music.)

For three years I have been thinking about replacing the tile in my condo, but felt that the timing was not right. My water heater broke in July and I am still in the process of replacing all the floors.  This major inconvenience which was not planned, manifested the desires of my heart of tiling all my floors without using any of my savings.

As I look around my home, I am amazed at how many items say “made in Italy.” I remember how they made me feel when I bought them, but never paid attention to where they were made until after the cruise. In addition, I now have two canvas paintings of Venice in my possession. They were tucked away behind some display items and the store manager and clerks forgot they still had them, so they sold them to me at a major discount.

I have laughed more consistently than at any other time in my life. About a month ago I attended an event where I am well known, and my peers did not recognize me. They thought I was a new attendee. I wish you could see the big grin on my face as I am writing this because, one of my favorite sentences from scroll I is “I wall tall among men and they know me not, for today I am a new man with a new life.”

I can truly say I accomplished my goals of Happiness and prosperity in 2017. None of these things were planned ahead of time, but have been desires of my heart.  I am continuing to increase my prosperity consciousness so that 2018 and the years beyond will be even greater.